Dream On

Don't you HATE it when you wake up from an insanely awesome and realistic dream, can still picture it in your head but are unable to put it into words, and then the dream disappears so you're left with nothing but the sad reality of waking up to your neighbor mowing the lawn at 6 a.m. accompanied by the immediate need to pee?

Well, my friends, I woke up from a dream last weekend that was so crazy I specifically laid in bed with my eyes closed and focused on the events until I was able to put words to them and make the pictures stick in my head. Lucky for you, this means I can now share my dream with you. You're welcome in advance. It's pretty great.

Close your eyes and dream with me ...

My entire extended family is gathered at the lake for a memorial service for my grandpa. (This was actually, truly happening. As I dreamed, I was lying in a bed at the lake house my grandpa has owned for 40 years.) Naturally, a pirate has been appointed the task of reading my grandpa's will. The pirate tells us that there is a rope attached to the dock, at the end of which we will find a treasure chest containing something my grandpa left to all of us. We locate said rope and pull in said treasure chest. Inside the chest, we find a book filled with pirate stories.

My grandpa has marked several pages with Post-it notes that say "read this." However, the pirate notices that some pages (I believe it was pages 209-212 specifically -- quite an extensive collection of pirate stories, apparently) are mysteriously missing. Huh.

No time to reflect on the missing pages because the next thing I know, I am in a highrise building being told by Miss Hannigan (you know, from Annie) that it's tough cookies, but apparently all my grandpa left in his will was an old book. Miss Hannigan's male accomplice -- who just appeared out of thin air -- then opens the door to an elevator and the orphanage mistress bids us adieu. Unfortunately there is no elevator beyond the open door so everyone falls down the empty shaft to their death. Bummer.

Luckily, I am miraculously spared and somehow completely unharmed. I open my eyes just in time to see Miss Hannigan, with the help of her shady manservant and the pirate lawyer (so he WAS an accomplice all along), open a secret compartment in the bottom of the treasure chest to reveal ... a coin from the cursed treasure in Pirates of the Caribbean!

(This is the part of the dream when my extended family gets a bit defensive, due to the fact that I have spent no time reflecting on their demise but am instead focused on forbidden treasure. In my defense, in the transition between the dock and the highrise building I'm about 83 percent sure that I left my family behind and was surrounded by a conglomeration of strangers when the elevator deaths happened. Also, I think my fam should be flattered that I'm about to embark on a journey to restore their honor and bring the family treasure home.)

Anyway. Since I am the only person around to put Miss Hannigan in her place, I pick myself up and march off to call the cops. Miss Hannigan and her man candy get arrested while taking groceries into their house. The pirate gets locked up, too. (His arrest was less glamorous and less memorable, apparently.)

As you all obviously know, the treasure from Pirates is cursed. Do I want to turn into a skeleton when moonlight touches my skin? No thanks. After the police return the family heirloom to its rightful owner, I head straight to a pawn shop. What do I buy with the riches from this sale? A rocket ship, of course.

I then shoot off into space in my new space toy, only to discover that EVERY FAIRYTALE AND SCIENCE FICTION STORY I'VE EVER LOVED EXISTS IN REAL LIFE. I didn't know this before because I had never taken the time to travel far enough in space to investigate. As my rocket ship coasts through the depths of space, I pass large clouds that contain the worlds of Harry Potter, My Little Pony, Peter Pan, Star Wars, Pirates of the Caribbean and the like.

OH MY GOSH. DREAM COME TRUE!

But wait, this dream isn't a dream come true because it's a dream. I open my eyes and have that "was it real or wasn't it real" conversation with myself until I'm forced to grasp reality. It felt like this:

I wish that Harry Potter was real no fewer than five times a day, so this return to reality is especially disappointing.

"I don't want to unpack. I wish I had a wand. Why isn't Harry Potter real?"
"I lost my keys. I wish I could accio them. Why isn't Harry Potter real?"
"I miss Australia. I wish I could apparate there. Why isn't Harry Potter real?"

Etc. Etc. Etc.

My sister wakes up around the same time as me bragging about how she owned a baby elephant in her dream. HA. Please. Child's play.

Any dream interpreters out there? What does my dream mean, other than the fact that I have a very advanced imagination? Also, I haven't completely ruled out that my dream is false. Anyone have a rocket ship I could borrow, just to make sure?