Pick-up Lines That Never Work: Part 2

Re-entering the singles world after you had pretty much planned your entire life with someone is a jarring experience. On the upside, my newly single status has presented a plethora of opportunities for me to ridicule other people whose problems and dating prospects are clearly much bleaker than mine. While I am seriously concerned about the crop of men that lies before me, I am at least entertained by the words they allow to escape their mouths. I am even more entertained by the fact that they think these words will make me, or any female for that matter, go weak in the knees.

Allow me to provide some real life examples of why things are going awry as I force myself back into the dating pool. Apparently things haven't changed much since I wrote this two years ago. This is just one week in the life of a Dallas 20-something single lady. It's a scary place out there.

No Pictures, Please (part 2)

I really wasn't kidding when I said I can't pose for pictures alone. Boredom recently led me to reach back to the depths of my Facebook past and discover that I've had this problem for as long as Facebook can remember (meaning since 2006 when I first jumped on Mark Zuckerburg's bandwagon). I truly was a solid solo photo poser up until about age 10, but then puberty hit and my preteen years just went to pieces as awkwardness took over in all my solo pic situations. And still the awkwardness remains.

Please see below for further submissions to my solo pic failures, featuring the faces first highlighted in this blog, plus a few additional faces that have popped up in my research.

1. The "you're taking this picture against my will and I'm not happy about it" face

New Year, New Nonsense

Oh, hello!

Let's all take a moment to relish in the fact that I am now embarking on my fourth year of ranting on this little piece of the blogosphere. From small beginnings involving way too much mayonnaise, a CAT-astrophe of epic proportions and treadmills, we've blossomed into lame pick-up lines, apartment lock-ins and my inability to be photographed alone.

Ah, sweet memories.

Moving on to a new year. Here are my 13 goals for 2013:

1. Convince one of my friends to buy a hedgehog. I would buy one myself, but I'm already in charge of one life, and that's about all I can handle at the moment. Therefore, if you are easily impressionable, please click here to see pictures of Buckley the hedgehog going shopping for a bed. And now you want a hedgehog, right? Please. Make my dreams (and yours) come true.

Want. Need. MUST HAVE. The mini bed and the hedgehog.

2. Go on the greatest vacation ever to Australia. Eat Pancakes on the Rocks. Swim in the ocean. Avoid being eaten by a shark. Learn to surf. Jump out of a plane. Etc. Etc. Etc.
2a. (Optional but preferable) Find an Australian husband.

Guess who will be in this exact spot in exactly one month? This girl.

Pancakes on the Rocks, get in my belly. If I can't have an Aussie husband, I'll settle for this.

3. Finish reading The Three Musketeers. Christmas 2011 I decided to be cultural (and cheap) and downloaded this literary classic for free on my Kindle. Since then, I've read 6 percent of the book. Off to a bit of a slow start on my cultural conquest, but 2013 is my year!

No pictures, please

The other day, as I often tend to do, I was taking a nice walk down Australia memory lane. I usually look at Becca's pictures from our 5 months abroad more than mine because her photography skills completely eclipse mine. Please see the following photos as evidence to this claim:

 

 

While most of her photos are outstanding, there are a number of Becca's Aussie pics that have been tainted. What could possibly tarnish the beautiful images she put to film? One thing: Becky's awkwardness.

You see, I don't really know how to handle pictures by myself. I feel lost, out of place, silly, and a combination of emotions that result in...photos of me looking ridiculous and awkward. Apparently there is some uniformity to my awkwardness, because I counted 6 difference faces I make in solo pictures. They all differ depending on my mood and the situation, but they do provide a glimpse into what you can expect if you try to freeze me in a moment in time by myself. The faces are as follows:


1. The "you're taking this picture against my will and I'm not happy about it" face

2. The "I don't know what to do so I'm just going to pretend like I don't know you're taking a picture and avoid eye contact" face

3. The "I'm uncomfortable so I'm going to act overly excited by throwing my arms up in the air and/or give a thumbs up paired with a goofy open-mouthed grin" face

4. The "Becca is making me pose like this" face

5. The "I'm too delirious and exhausted so I can't stop you from taking a picture right now" face

6. The "I'm going to try to strike a cute pose, but it's going to end up looking really silly instead" face

All the awkwardness above is just from one 5-month period. Becca kept taking pictures. And I kept supplying ridiculousness. Have I improved at solo pics since Australia? No. Case and point: Becca's birthday party earlier this month...

For all of you who are keeping track, that's face #2: The "I don't know what to do so I'm just going to pretend like I don't know you're taking a picture and avoid eye contact" face

Someone, please, I'm begging you, get in the picture with me.

Save me from myself.