The Adventures of Diva Dog

Two months into being a dog owner, I have one question: HOW DO PEOPLE RAISE ACTUAL CHILDREN?

You can't put a child in a crate when it misbehaves.
You can't drop something on the floor and have your child suck it up like a living vacuum.
You can't plop some dry pebble-like food in a bowl and say "Have at it."
You can't distract a child with a piece of rawhide.
You can't step on your child and say "Oh, she'll be fine."
You can't pull your dog behind you on a leash. Wait, some people do actually do that. But they shouldn't.

One dog is enough for me right now, thank you very much. Props to my parents and all parents out there. No idea how you were on constant alert every single day for 18+ years.

Roxie and I are now our own mini family. Though she is a terror, I love her. Her latest shenanigans:

  • The sneaky vermin loves hiding under the couch/bed where she knows I can't reach her. This results in me sprawling out on my stomach with my head crammed under a piece of furniture and my arm outstretched inches away, but just short of, diva dog.
  • She really likes food. Sometimes she likes food so much that she eats too quickly and her girth increases to about double its usual size. (Please see below photos.)
  • This dog pretty much never stops moving. Ever. If there are people around that could even potentially pay attention to her, she is in motion. "Cuddling" isn't her strong suit, unless she's been on a mile run, played with another pup for an hour, then flitted around the apartment for an additional four hours.
  • As you can tell since about 83 percent of the pictures consist of Roxie chewing on things (fingers, books, socks, toys, bones, etc.) we're in the throws of  the teething phase. Luckily, her teeth and claws are still so tiny that they have yet to do any significant damage. (Knock on wood...)
  • She is the size of a doll, therefore children love her. But who wouldn't love that teeny ball of fuzz?
  • Potty training. About that. We're, um, working on it. The good news is, a four pound dog can only create so much pee and poop, so clean-ups are manageable.
  • Dachshund Dash training is in full swing. This dog loves to run. I let her off her leash so she can chase me along the lower Trinity River path, and I swear I tire out before Roxie is even slightly winded.
  • As Rox was in the process of getting rid of her mites, she scratched a lot of the fur on her face off. This resulted in her temporarily looking like a leper. (See leper-looking photos.) Thankfully she has returned to her usual cute and completely fur-covered self.
  • Though she is only about the size of a loaf of bread (possibly a half loaf), Roxie appears to have no idea that she is a small dog. Large dogs are not interested in her, but she is determined to make them play with her by climbing on their heads or eating their tails. (See pictures of Roxie's first encounter with her sister, Ellie.)
  • I'm pretty sure Rox Dox is actually part monkey. She climbs on everything. People, furniture, basically anywhere that could possibly be holding some sort of mischief for her to get into. Or somewhere for her to poop.
  • She has the puppy eyes nailed down to a science, and my heart still melts every time she looks at me. Unless she tries the puppy eyes on me after she finishes pooping somewhere in the apartment. Then the puppy eyes do nothing for me.


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