RIP Beckers717 (...almost)

You're all most likely aware by now that I have a hard time letting go of anything that has even a slight connection to my past. Hence why I still have my AOL screenname from 3rd grade: Beckers717. As of late, this screenname has been demoted to the junk e-mail account I give to stores so I can get free coupons and what not. All fine and dandy.

Until recently.

Somehow my childhood e-mail account has been hacked and taken up the task of spamming everyone I have ever had any sort of connection to since elementary school. Basically, it's spamming the entire world. At first I ignored the spamming, hoping it would stop...but things started to get out of hand real fast. My friends started complaining to me that I was attacking their inboxes. The final straw: last week Beckers717 decided to contact all my fellow Zoo employees about the wonders of Viagra. Greeeeeat.

Today I decided it's time to let go. I took charge of the situation and created a new junk e-mail account, re-signed up to get all my coupons sent there instead, and went to complete the final step of the process: canceling the Beckers717 account. Sniffle Sniffle. A little bittersweet. I paused for a moment to reflect on the good times, forwarded myself some funny e-mails I wanted to hold onto, and forged ahead with the cancellation. Then the emotional bonds broke and I just got angry. Why? Well, have you ever tried to cancel an AOL account? IT'S IMPOSSIBLE.

After spending an hour trying to sift through AOL's "help" page, I resorted to calling a 1-800 number.

Let's talk for a second about how automated phone calls are THE BANE OF MY EXISTENCE. By the time I get to talk to an actual person (if that ever happens), I am no longer a nice person. Which is such a shame for the person on the other end of the phone. I try to give myself a mental peptalk before these dreaded phone calls: "Keep your cool, Becky. Speak clearly and press the right numbers when the stupid computer voice asks you to. And remember when you talk to a real person that it's not their fault the system is faulty." Despite my peptalks, things never end well. But it's only because the automated part always goes like my experience with AOL's phone service went today.

My side of the conversation:

"Yes."
"YES."
Presses 1
Presses 2
"Cancellation."
"CANCELLATION."
"74137"
"SEVEN-FOUR-ONE-THREE-SEVEN"
Types in 7-4-1-3-7
"Beckers717"
"B-e-c-k-e-r-s-7-1-7"
"BEE-EE-CEE-KAY-EE-ARE-ES-SEVEN-ONE-SEVEN"
(frustrated grunts begin)
"Phone number"
(I say my home phone number that I'd rather not give out to the Internet world)
(I type in my home phone number that I'm still not giving out to the Internet world)
"74137"
(I start mumbling frustrations under my breath)
Types in 74137
"B-e-c-k-e-r-s-7-1-7"
"B-E-C-K-E-R-S-7-1-7"
"BEE-EE-CEE-KAY-EE-ARE-ES-SEVEN-ONE-SEVEN"
"Yes! They found my account!"
(Pause)
"WHAT?!"
Slams phone down in frustration
"They said I should visit the website's help section for immediate assistance or press 2 to upgrade my account. I don't want to freaking upgrade my freaking account!!!!! I just want it to go away!!!!"

Not only was Peyton (my office mate) laughing at me, Kelly across the hall heard my entire exchange and was laughing as well. Meanwhile, I was just angry. And back at square one. So I decided to take to Twitter to vocalize my frustrations.

Beckyjlong: "Currently LOATHING @AOL for making it impossible for me to cancel my ancient e-mail account that is spamming the world.  #sendinghatevibes"

(Alright, it might have been a bit hostile. Clearly I was still fuming from my failed phone call.)

Check this out: AOL replied to my mean tweet!
AOL: "@Beckyjlong Hi - if you post your issue to this forum someone from AOL Mail can assist you http://aol.it/AOLMailForum (CC:@AOLSupportHelp)"

I LOVE SOCIAL MEDIA!!!!

I posted a question to the forum and actually got a response within minutes that told me to e-mail some other e-mail address and ask to have my account canceled. Magical! Still waiting to see if that works, but it's progress!

Screw you automated phone calls. I don't need YOU. I have Twitter.

Despite my small Twitter win, Beckers717 still exists. At least for the time being. Therefore, I would like to send a warning to all of you out there in the world: Beckers717 could go on another spamming rampage at any moment. And just so we're clear...Beckers717 thinks you should try Viagra, not me. Be on the alert.