12.03.2010

Being annoyed/annoying since 1988

We all have those little things that drive us wild. If you're ever in the mood to annoy me, here's how to do it:

1. Repetitive noises.  This is especially a problem if there is some repetitive noise that is keeping me from sleeping. A creaky fan, a car alarm, a barking dog, etc. The WORST is snoring. My mother once found me sleeping curled up in a towel on the bathroom floor of a hotel room where I had gone to escape a member of my family's (who will remain nameless) incessant snoring. I also used to take ear plugs with me to every sleepover to avoid any and all possible repetitive nighttime noises that could keep me from catching some z's. What 9-year-old shows up to a sleepover with her teddy bear and her earplugs, you ask? This one. Both those things saved me from many sleepless nights.

2. Speaking of not being able to sleep, my loud neighbors upstairs annoy me. Not the people so much (they're all very friendly), I just hate that I can hear every single footstep, pulled out chair, and dropped book.  I think the  girl who lives above me has some sort of radar and knows EXACTLY when I either a) want to take a nap or b) want to go to bed at night. Around the time I settle into bed for either a) or b) is about the same time my neighbor decides to run laps around her room with her little yippy scampering dog or move every piece of furniture in her room for the millionth time. Well, that's what it sounds like she's doing.

3. Skinny people who talk about how fat they are.  As I'm eating a greasy cheeseburger, I don't need your size 2 frame to tell me what a delicious salad you had today and how you're upset  that you only got to work out for two hours instead of the usual three.  Go tell that to your size 0 friend.  My cheeseburger and I are not interested, thank you.

4. People who misspell the word "definitely."  I don't know why this is the word that gets me, but everytime I see "definatley" or "defanately" or some other butchering of the word in a letter/text message/e-mail, I cringe. Can you spell the word "definite"? Great. Add an "-ly" at the end and we're good to go. Can't spell the word definite? Learn to and  then add the "-ly." Still struggling? Use another word like "absolutely" or something like that. Problem solved.

I was making this list of things that annoy me in my head today while I was in the kitchen listening to my neighbors and their dog prancing around in a conga line upstairs. (Alright they might have just been making lunch, but it sounded very conga-like to me.) What am I doing as I listen?  Drinking milk straight out of the carton.

And then it hits me. Oh my gosh--I'M ANNOYING

First of all, since when am I too lazy to get a cup out of the cabinet to pour myself a glass of milk? I convinced myself the dishwasher won't fill up as fast since I didn't put that cup in and we can save water by running the dishwasher less often. The reality: I'm lazy. Additionally, I'm starting a habit that millions of people would put on their "things that annoy me" list. So then I start thinking: what other annoying habits do I do on a daily basis? Apparently, a lot.

1. I constantly feel like I have a frog in my throat. As a result, I'm constantly clearing my throat. The worst part is, I usually don't notice when this throat-clearing is taking place. I'll let an "ahem" slip and confusion follows. Example:
Me: Ahem
Bystander: Yes?
Me: Yes what?
Bystander: Did you want something?
Me: What do you mean?
Bystander: You just cleared your throat.
Me: Oh, no, I was just clearing my throat actually.
Bystander then either gives me a weird look and walks away (if they don't know me) or gives me a weird look and tells me how weird I am (if they do know me)
2. Singing annoying songs at inopportune moments.  My cousin, sister and I once refused to stop singing the theme song to "The Brady Bunch" until my uncle pulled the car over and bought us a new tube for the lake. It worked, but geez. What little terrors we were! My sister and I still use this tactic when we're in the mood to be annoying with the fam in the car. If it's not "The Brady Bunch," it's "Gilligan's Island." My family just loves it when car rides turn into forced karaoke sessions.

3. Being stingy for no reason.  My milk carton incident was not the first time I had used the "save room in  the dishwasher"  thought process. I once got into an argument with my friend Megan because she wanted to use a rubber spoon while we were making cookies. I said since we had already dirtied a wooden spoon it wasn't necessary to dirty a rubber spoon. Things escalated quickly and I ended up chasing her around the kitchen trying to grab the rubber spoon out of her hands and obstructing her access to the bowl of cookie dough. That was a new low. It's a wonder Megan puts up with all my shenanigans. (You may recall she's the friend who tried to get me to stop singing in the car by listening to music in other languages)

4. Non-stop chitter chatter.  I tend to talk a lot. Especially if I'm nervous or uncomfortable. I'm sure sometimes people wish I had a mute button so they could turn me off, or at least  turn down the volume.

I could add more to both of these lists, but I don't want to give you anymore hints on how to bother me or provide you with more of my annoying habits for you to take note of.

So in my kitchen with milk carton in hand, I came to  the conclusion that people have been annoying me and I have been annoying them for a very long time. This is not going to change. Ever. But if I keep my old school TV karaoke sessions to a minimum, could you return the favor and PLEASE make sure you spell check before you type or write the word "definitely" in my presence? The world will be a happier place for both of us.

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